Valitine day always seems to suck for me, my bearing broke today, but i did stick  it to those damn golfers. They were jealous that i was on a board and wearing gardening gloves with lil roses. I'll showem

BETween

PresenTed C-C
In-Fact Parasitic
mAihsTream ~~ inventing V & R LANG 
F(q Merc.Ends

sjs

Narf

Christmas is coming. I think if anything is coming it should automatically be labeled as evil to moderately not good. No one should like change, thats why I have wasted the last hour putting my change into paper tubes. The money is gonna be ROLLING in, in the form of $5,$2 and 50cents!! there is not cents button how dare my keyboard, my faithful weapon against the net, my piano to the outside world, not have a cents button.

Vlogs are lame (mine comes out some time next fall)
I talked to a man today, Tim! no I wasnt trying to date him...he has the history mind and we started going at it. He was big into the civil war, and I was like thats cool, but then it turned out that he is directly related to Confederate soldiers, and not only was his direct line to the confederate army, but his whole family, he told me about his ancient cousins/uncles//slaves...ya thats right his slaves also joined up to fight the north.

final thoughts
smell:rain
food:mayo and bread
oil change needed
what if TLC and Gwen Stefani teamed up? great for eight

So I work at a hippy store, they sell vegan/vegetarian alternatives as well as crazy herbal supplements. The store does sell some meats, a little amount of chicken and some sliced deli meats, but for the most part its health crap. It has come to my attention that the store is trying to kill me, with a lack of meat. I recently found out what I had been eating at work was vegan. The title of this lunch snack is just "Roast beef and Cheese Wrap." Thats all it say on the front! How dare they! The worst part is I expect it of them to do it with the meat, but the cheese too!! Thats why I am declaring a state of emergency in my life and immediate marshall law on my food intake. TODAY IS OFFICIALLY MEAT DAY! I have to sock it to them, I mean I had vegan mayonaise and it was complete crap...how dare they just put out crap of that craptitude. These vegans/veggie hoodlums have pushed me around before, but I fought back as always. I would eat beef jerky infront of them, their only weakness. I can now honestly say that I must turn up the jets again. I will be staging a guerilla attacks inside the store.

"hey who is cooking the bacon?"
"Is this cookie dough?"
"EWWW who put cows blood in my kombucha?"

let the terror begin

(I told my neighbor about meat day, "ward what the fuck does that have to do with anything?" )

The ground was covered in hair, the stylist was almost done with the Abdominal  snow man, but then again he did only ask for a trim, which still took over 4 hours to do his whole body. Ever since Yeti had seen Star Wars he had changed his look to be more like Chewbacca (file photo), he also took some tiny cardboard boxes and taped them to a belt, HOW DARE HE EVEN ASK ME! I will never dress up as Han Solo, especially since it is not Halloween. Candy, Fuck'em...control is only 10%, the other half is twelve.

So now we go out on the town, Its always the same with the Yetster...hes got his new look though...The drinking becomes apparent and thats the only thing he has in common with Chewy, he loves to start yelling incoherently. The cops have arrived, he just won't shut up and I am with him so they start questioning
"what has he been drinking"
A zuchini falls out of my pocket when I pull my hand out of my pocket.
"what is that?"
"AHAHAH ARK ARK OOOOH"
I get tazered and pass out to the imitation Wookie noises

fuck the colors, they can change on me but they cant effect my thoughts, and my thoughts are clear of anything that is not colors stop that now before its too late COLORS

So is yogurt supposed to be tingly on your tongue? like pop rocks?

Women are such a problem when there's no prospects. I lately have been trying to act normal(what other people deem normal, not my normal) around them, and it seems to work alright. I could care less actually, I am back where I started 4 years ago, fresh into the state and feel like going into isolation, do my own thing. When I moved to CA, I knew i was going to be alone, I had moved before, but now a lot of people have moved away, to start their new life and I too want to begin that journey. I switch from being extrovert to introvert and it can last for a long time. From feeling the need to constantly be on the move, hanging out with friends to just wanting to be alone and doing my own thing. I am never depressed in either situation, it's just that my lifestyle changes.

I want to move fast though, i want to feel like a dog with his head out of a moving vehicle. I want to be a warrior, but I don't know what the definition is...I think it is motion, but only in constant motion...a motion that is always struggling. Every man wants aspires to the warrior, look at little boys, who make a weapon out of all their toys. I have been in a state of constant struggle for a day, the body tires quickly, the mind becomes keen, you get a high.

motion is the key, if there isn't constant movement then he is no longer a warrior, he has become stale and decadent. In the year 3030, emotion will mean electronic motion, for example, file sharing is an emotion.

word

"Better Than a Damn Flash Light"
--Captain Murphy

    Today is a new day and it has come to light (HA HA, American joke) that Harebrain is not spelled how I thought it would be. Originally I thought it was always spelled "Hairbrained." Which brings up a ideological debate as old as the Charlemagne. Which one makes more sense? The brain of a rabbit or a brain that is just a ball of hair? I will prove to you that a Cranium full of hair is a better snap than a brain of a hare.
    Firstly, the Hare is considered by most to be the fastest and most cocky of animals [ref. The Tortoise and the Hare]. Wikipedia describes the hare as "Hares and jackrabbits are leporids belonging to the genus Lepus." Genus is very close to genius, and the words sound  alike, so through the transitive property  of  multiplication,  they are the same!  
    Hares  are also considered  to be tricksters,  such as Bugs Bunny, a Looney Toons cartoon turned Islamic terrorist. In the early 1980's, Bugs made his Hajj (pilgrimage) to Mecca, and started to associate with radicals in Saudi Arabia.  By the late 1980's, Bugs Bunny had moved to Afghanistan with his Saudi friends and begun training for his Jihad for a Islamic state. As a Canadian, the Taliban saw the Bugs as the perfect canadate (HAHA Canada joke) for their Fatwa on the US. When crossing on a ferry to the US with a car filled with explosives, a security agent noticed the hare sweating profusely and nibbling frantically on a carrot. When the security guard approached the rabbit, Bugs made a daring escape back to the shore of Canada and then quickly escaped back to Afghanistan. Soon Bug declared himself a Wahhabi-ist (a conservative form of Islam) spiritual leader or imam. He changed his name to "Wabbit" and now teaches his own madrassa (secular school), but its always on the move avoiding the CIA. Now if a hare is that intelligent, to out smart the CIA then why would we call someone harebrained? Sure it means stupid, but it is also a racist slur, to distinguish the hare as a lower life form.
Hairbrained on the other hand is not a racist slur and everyone can have hair for brains.

In Conclusion, for 2008 theres only one choice, vote Hairbrained.

Chris, thirty, is my new neighbor; he sees me grilling and invites me to a shindig. I am also new to the area, moving out for college.

“Hey ward, why don’t you come over and join us.” Chris yells.
“What’s going on over there?”
“Oh, an old friend has come over and we are having a dinner party, Mango chicken with Indian rice and a very nice chardonnay.”
“Huh…Wow, that sounds really good, are you a chef.” As I head to his door.
“No” perplexed “Why do you ask?”
“Well it just—“
“Ward this is my good friend from SF, Melissa”
The room is small, like my place but its cleaner with a kitchen flowing to the bedroom.
“So Ward, what brings you to SC?”
“Oh you know…World Domination.” No laugh. “I joke?” I strain the E making it a question. Chris changes the subject.
“Hey remember that time we went to that gay party on Geary like 3 years ago?”
“Oh ya, that time everyone was dressed as cowboys.”
<Good Chris, make the conversation more ridiculous to avoid my Dictatorial flop.>
“Ya and the cops came so we had to bus all these drunk gay cowboys in the car.”
“Must’ve been at least twelve in that Camry.”
“And then there was that one that peed himself on the lap of another guy!”
(Laughs between the two of them)
“Hey ward have you seen these,” he points to his leather wristband. “It’s funny cause whenever I’m at a gay party, I become so popular because guys think it’s a cock ring.”
“hmmok”<gears turning>
“Do you know what that is?” <I know, but he doesn’t give time to answer> “It’s a ring or band that you wrap around you cock.”
<Suddenly the caveman has invented the pointed stick, the clothes, the gay parties, the mountain bike? A slight lisp…>
Melissa asks “what does that do? I would think it would hurt”
<…the food, his styled hair, the cock ring on his wrist, the wine, he has curtains! Jesus how did I miss that, he must be gay >
“Well it keeps the man erect for longer for—“
<I think>
“Really?”
<I need to slide it in suave that I am not gay either way>
“ya it’s that it keeps the blood—“
“I have a girlfriend.”

A tribute to American Cheese

Because of American Cheese's lack of actual dairy product and individual wrap makes it number one in the world to this day...

In 1944 when the nuke was being put into its final paces, there was a weapon even greater than the Fat Boy…Individual wrapped American Cheese. The Germans had no idea, they were the first to fall. Then we turned our abomination cheese towards Asia--they were no match for the delectable orange monoliths. Russia (our ally at the time) realized the devastation of processed single-sliced (individually wrapped) cheese quickly turned to their top scientist to create something to cure the cheesey epidemic…the Russian scientists created something so horrible that it would devastate its own country years later: Vodka. Because Vodka once opened could not be easily devoured, it destroyed the populace…the CCCP bureaucracy would slowly crumble…


Thank god that American Cheese comes individually wrapped and if a hippy tells you that it's waste full, tell that smelly dirty hippy that if it wasn’t individually wrapped American Cheese the US would just be another one for the history books.